…And How To Survive Them.

Ah, middle schoolers. That delightful age where they’re too cool to care… but also desperately need to know everything. As a part-time teacher and full-time chaos coordinator (aka mom), I’ve become fluent in Teenagerese — a complex language spoken mostly in groans, eye rolls, and oddly specific questions that leave you blinking in confusion.

So for your reading pleasure (and maybe a little sanity check), here are some of the most frequently asked questions I get in the classroom—and what I wish I could say in response:

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1. “Are we doing anything today?”
💭 Translation: Can I mentally check out before we even start?
🎤 What I say: “Yes, we are learning!”
🧠 What I’m thinking: “Nope, we’re just gonna sit in complete silence and stare at the whiteboard until the bell rings like a scene from a dystopian movie.”

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2. “Is this for a grade?”
💭 Translation: Should I pretend to care, or actually care?
🎤 What I say: “Everything you do matters.”
🧠 What I’m thinking: “Yes, and also… life is for a grade, my friend. Just ask your future boss.”

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3. “Can I go to the bathroom?”
💭 Translation: Can I roam the halls and maybe text my friends?
🎤 What I say: “Can you wait until the end of the lesson?”
🧠 What I’m thinking: “You’ve already been to the bathroom twice today. Are you writing a Yelp review on the school’s plumbing?”

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4. “What’s the answer?”
💭 Translation: I wasn’t listening. Again.
🎤 What I say: “Let’s think it through together.”
🧠 What I’m thinking: “The answer is in the notes you didn’t take and the lecture you didn’t hear. Choose your own adventure!”

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5. “Do we have to?”
💭 Translation: I’d rather be anywhere else, including the dentist.
🎤 What I say: “Let’s give it a try!”
🧠 What I’m thinking: “Do I have to remind you how the real world works?”

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The Takeaway:
Middle schoolers ask these questions not because they’re trying to be difficult (okay, maybe sometimes), but because they’re figuring out the world — and their place in it. Their brains are like spaghetti—everything is connected and messy—but there’s a lot of heart in there too.

So the next time you’re faced with a room full of 13/14-year-olds who’ve somehow lost all their pencils and all their memories of yesterday’s lesson, just remember: you’re not alone. You’re part of the sacred society of teachers who can laugh, sigh, and answer “Are we doing anything today?” with a smile… and maybe a little caffeine.

☕👩‍🏫✏️